The Little but not so Little Prince
L'essential est invisible pour les yeux What is essential is invisible to the eye. 本当に大切なものは目に見えない
My childhood dream was to become a pilot. It never came true; due to my stupid laziness. Maybe it's just, I didn't have courage and physical strength....
Since my birthday, I had a chance to catch up with people I haven't been in touch for a long time. Within those conversations, "Little Prince" seemed to be popping up more frequently than other books; so I decided to re-reading it.
Well, to be honest, I remembered having a book in the bookshelf, and remembering opening them as a child, but I never remembered. I only remember the very first part where he draws a hat-like figure, which represents an elephant in a snake. I barely remembered, although I knew that the writer is a pilot and of course the quote.
Maybe I probably forgot about it, because as being a child I couldn't understand both the prince and "I" in the prince. Well, you always want to be the person who you are not right? Rereading it after a decade or so I still don't know.
I've travelled around different planets, and I've been through the times when I was wondering around a desert (figuratively, of course!). Was I able to find the essential thing? Answer to that I won't write it here, if I write it here, you guys can see it, and that's contradicts with the quote, right? Ask me next time when we meet at a pub. The drink is on you though :)
As I wrote in the beginning, I wanted to be a pilot. Unfortunately that dream didn't come true. But as a physicist, you can imagine, imagine the world of small particles (or waves) that are interacting, the planets that are moving round and round, the gas collapsing to a new star, and a hot dense universe that is further back in time and simultaneously in space. In a sense every time I close my eyes, I fly around all the length and time scales that I want. Maybe that's enough for me for now.
I think this post is like a letter that notifying that he's back. Who knows. 10 months till the PhD ends. Maybe it's time for me to talk to the snake, so I can go back to the planet where I am from; but where ...?
Keep calm and drink tea.
小さな出会いを大切に育てていくことで、人生の中での大きな出会いになることもあります - 千利休
Every little chance meeting that you hold dear can lead to a pivotal, once-in-a-lifetime encounter. - Sen no Rikyu
Three years in High school, I was practising Japanese tea ceremony. It is basically learning how to serve tea, and clean up after ourselves. Believe it or not, I have licence on this :)
If I write it like this, it sounds boring and sounds like something that everyone can do; but of course it's deeper than this. The amount of knowledge that is required. This includes the tea, the tea cakes, pottery, calligraphy, literature, meditation, philosophy, history, society,music, science, and about the individuals who come to your tea room.
The funniest fact is that, at the end of the day, you don't need to know anything, except for the last one, about the individuals who come to your tea room. The important thing is to make people feel welcomed; but this is, at the same time, the most difficult thing. For example, we should be able to answer the questions like "what kind of things do they like to eat with tea?", "Do they like very hot tea or very cold tea?", "What background do they have?", "what theme should the tea room be?", "Then what pottery should we use?", etc...
These are very difficult questions, especially when people from different background come to the tea room. The philosophy laid out by Sen no Rikyu, is that in the tea room, there are no classes, and people are treated absolutely equally. Therefore, when the host must act such that everyone is welcomed, and in a way that the guests won't offend each other too. If one try to achieve this, you naturally have to learn all the things that I listed previously.
This gives you understanding on what life have they had that lead them to come to my tea room. This naturally gives some answers to questions like "what do they expect?", and "what would make them feel welcomed and come home with a pleasant feeling". Knowing people is a very difficult task. Making those people to be felt welcomed, seems to be a very long and impossible task to do.
Whenever I meet people, I try to welcome them as if I invite them to my own tea room. Most of the time, I don't manage (of course!) because of my ignorance. It is especially difficult when I have to move around the different country and has to relearn almost everything again. Maybe some people say that I'm always over thinking, but this is how I live. I will keep trying till perfection, but I probably never will. Maybe that's okay. The true beauty might reside in the imperfection, as Oribe (Fruta) believed.
Zombies in a park
You might have imagined an apocalyptic world to be as zombies everywhere and people are making barricade in Walmart (TM, whatever), but then nope, this is the reality staying home and watching random shit on whatever the device that you have.
Anyway, as I have been walking to Uni spending at least 30min back and forth for past 6 years, no matter how fucked up my sleeping schedule is, I need to walk for at least that amount every day just to keep up with the routine. At the end of the day, I like walking (running and biking is a bit too fast for slow guy like me tbh...).
I usually go to a big park nearby, and sometimes go shopping afterwards some times few times (please don't report it to the police...!). After a few days (not weeks, days), I got tired of walking for the sake of walking, but I was still walking. I'm usually thinking about garbage and observing while listening to some music, and then I realized that it is a zombie apocalypse haha.
I think you guys already know, but I am the zombie. There are so many zombie walking people strolling the park because that's the only thing they can do, There are people who are going to a park not for running, not for exercising, not to meet up with people (because it's illegal), not to sit in a bench/field to chill, but brainlessly walking to kill the time/to get that 30min + 30min of walking that they used to do every day before this thing hit. Or is it just me who does this? I feel like there are so many people in parks that are like this.
The other day, some random Scottish woman noticed me zombie walking, and talked to me saying "are you okay?" Okay, I don't know if I ever looked okay, but I never had random person asking me if I was okay... I mean that's a bad sign right? We talked for good 10 minutes on how things have changed, how we are coping, and will we ever get out. I guess I convinced her enough that I'm okay; we did a high five in the end, a good slap (yeah I told some people that we didn't actually hit each other's hands but I lied because I didn't want to start toxic conversation of people saying "oh that's insane" "the lockdown doesn't end because of people like her" she was genuinely a nice person alright! Please don't tell the police either :'( ); and we never saw each other since then. Hope she's doing okay, not sick like me a few days after thus from drinking too much. Truly nice lady, a saviour, cheers to the courage, I love Scotland, seriously.
During this lock down we had flowers blossoming, petals falling, and now the trees are full of leaves. The spring is over and the summer is coming. haru-ichi-ban (the first warm wind blowing in the spring) has blown through the empty streets carrying smell of the hops from the breweries that stopped producing... Anyway, my only bottle of whiskey is almost gone as I write this piece of (shit) writing. Cheers to tall the zombies an the nice people in the neighbourhood. Peace to them all, and see you guys at the end of the tunnel! SCOTLAAANNDD:D
太宰治 「斜陽」 を読んで
最近眠れない夜が続いていたので、良い機会だから太宰の斜陽と短編を何冊かを一気読みしました。
絶望文学なんていってやたら暗い話が多い太宰、斜陽もまた例外ではないのですね。
もう6年も前になるかな、五所川原の斜陽館、行きましたよ。冬だったけどね。その時は日本では成人してなかったからストーブ列車のやきするめ食べながら日本酒飲めなかったのが残念...
さて、あらすじとして有名なのはこれが没落貴族の物語と書いている物ですが、 人間失格もそうですけど、結局は世間知らずなのに世間になじみたいけど馴染めず死ぬまたはメタファーとしての死を経験していく人達の物語ですよ。ようは、世間一般の人とは違うような出生、生い立ち、頭の中身をもった人間がどうにかこうにか酒や薬の力を使ってなじもうとするけれどもなじめない。で、世間と係る事を完全にあきらめる事にするも、うわさ話、読んだ本、買い物などの端々から漏れ聞く世情に抱くずれた憧れをどうしてもあきらめきれない。で、世間に少しだけ出てみてやっぱり絶望してしまう。そういう物を太宰が味わった結果が「絶望小説」とレッテルを貼られてしまった作品群なのだと思う。
太宰の書く小説の主人公や登場人物の多くは人の考えている事がわからない、世間の人間がわからないから馴染めないなんて口ではいっています。そういう人たちの葛藤を自己投影を含めて小説で書いてるわけです。が、太宰自身、世間の人間の頭の中が全くわからなかったわけでは決してなかったように思われます。でなければこんなに多種多様な人間の生き様を書けるわけはないでしょう。つまり、かれの絶望というのは自己の他者へ対する理解と他者の自己への理解のギャップから生まれる物なのだとおもいます。自分は理解できないととぼけておどけて酔っぱらいながら道化を演じる自分、それを鵜呑みにして上辺だけの付き合いをする他者、小説まで書いて、「俺はお前たちの事を理解しているぞ!だから俺にも少しは歩みよってくれ!」と言っているのにかわいそうですね。自殺したのも納得がいきます。 そして、皮肉にも彼は彼のような人間に対する救済の方法を小説の中にちゃんと書いてあるんです。まぁその話は酔っ払った時にでもするために取っておくので帰国した時は誘って下さい(笑)。
たのしみは そぞろ読みゆく書（ふみ）の中に 我とひとしき人を見し時
読み終えた時は色々書きたい事があったはずなのに一晩たってみると二段落程度の事だったってのは悲しいですね。まぁそんな事はどうでもいいんですけど。こんだけ太宰について語ったけれども実は津軽はまだ読んでません。つぎの眠れない夜にでもよんでみようと思います。でも今夜はさすがに、早く寝ます。睡眠薬をワインで流し込んで...
太宰作品は著作権が切れてるのでAmazonや青空文庫 (青空文庫 Aozora Bunko)で無料で読めるよ。
haiku 咳をしても一人
Well, usually haiku is a poetry composed of three lines with 5 syllables - 7 syllables - 5 syllables with word indicating a season.
Howver in the beginning of 20th Century, bunch of people tried to be free from the constraints. So no 5-7-5 structure, no seasonal word required but still capturing the essense of Hiaku.
You might wonder, what is the essence of haiku, and answer to this question is rather difficult, and frankly, I don't know. I think it has something to do with describing a whole universe emerging from the words in the haiku.
Being under a self-isolation in a two bedrooms flat alone reminded me of a very famous haiku
咳をしても一人 -尾崎放哉
coughed but I am still alone. -Hosai Ozaki
Hosai read this when he was in a verge of death from Tubaculosis (I think). Well, I am not sick yet, but looking at the current situation, it's a matter of time, and when that happens, I will probably be alone and I will truly understand this poem and I will be seeing a glimpse of the universe that he tried to portray.
Till then.
memento moriと一期一会
コロナウイルスの為に自宅待機なんでなんとなく一日中机にむかって心にふと浮かんでは消えていく色々な事をちょろちょろと下書きに保存してたのだけど、まるでとりつかれたのかのように筆がすすんでしまったので2年ぶりくらいに投稿します。
なんて徒然草の冒頭の借用から始まる記事にあまり期待なんてしないでください。
さて、地震やら経済危機やら、ストームやら色々経験してきたわけで、今回もまぁこんな自体に陥いる前から貯蓄、(必要最低限の)備蓄(はい、買い物いくのがめんどいので普段から買いだめしていただけです)、スキルなんてのでまぁ大した被害は自分にはでてないんですが、やっぱり一時帰国の計画がだめになったり会議やらワークショップやらが中止になるのは地味に辛いですね。
ここからが本題。海の向こうというか海峡挟んで向かいがわでバタバタ毎日人が死んでいてその波がこっちに向ってくると聞かされると色々と考えさせられる事があるわけですね。まぁ日本語の練習もかねてつらつら書いていきましょう。
哲学者イマニュエルカントは:机の上に髑髏を置いて"memnto mori" (死を記憶せよ) というモットーを毎日思い出していたなんてエピソードをなにかの本で読んだのですが、まさに毎日流れ込んでくるニュースが髑髏であり、死を思いださせてくれます。「死を意識したときに生があるのだ」なんてだれかがいってましたが、自分は死なないなんて日々おもって生きていたら瞬間に光る物を見つける事ができずに日々を生きる事になるんだろうと思います。カントのすばらしい閃きの数々はまさに、この「死を記憶する」という所にあったんだろうなと思います。
さて、死というのは永遠の別れであるわけですが、出会いというのもあるわけです。まぁ四、五年ごとに国をとっかえひっかえしている俺としては死と生を四年ごとに繰り返しているような感覚で毎日を過ごしているわけですが。死、つまり別れ、そしてその対義語である生、つまり出会い。出会いは突然訪れて、また別れも突然訪ずれる。なので人との出会いと別れはどんな人でとも大切にしないといけない。それが一期一会のエッセンスなのだと思います。なので人と会う時はあ、会えてよかったと双方思えるようにやってるわけです(まぁ失敗のが多いけどね)。
どちらも突然おとづれる。だからこそ出会う前の余韻と別れた後の余韻も含めて出会いと別れどちらも大切にして毎日を送りたいと思うわけです。では。
Why I quit being an Apple fanboy ( what is free and open source?) part 1
If you have bitten a forbidden fruit, you must spit it out at some point
I had a suggestion of separating out the article into parts, and I thought that was a good idea so here is the part 1 of the part n ( )
I remember the first iProduct I've ever bought was 5.5th generation black iPod just before iPhone and iPod Touch comes out (I'm not sure, iPhone might had already been out at that point). I remember playing Sim City 2000 when I was 5 with Power Macintosh 8500 – 1995 (I think... but it release was 1995 so given that I was using it in 1999 (oops you know my age), its bit outdated even at that time.) good times. I remember Netscape on a green iMac and the weird dial up sound.
Anyways the Apple products and I goes back for a long time and I guess it is a part (the most) of the reason why I'm such a tech geek. Well, I think of my self of a hacker - not like a hacker like a hackers who steals information from others, but hack as in a phrase life hack, a person who knows or creates little tricks that makes people's, and most importantly my, life a little better so that we can focus on other, more important, things.
A Life Hacker
It is not the same as cutting corners or being lazy. It is more of a personal curiosity towards how far can we simplify and be clever to do certain tasks quicker and more elegantly. It is not the same concept as Toyota's Kaizen, we are, or at least I am, not doing it for profits or making most out of the fellow employees who suffers from cost cuts and things. That is not hacking, that is just an exploitation in the most laziest and dishonest form. I'm not against making profits though, as long as it is done right (what is right and wrong is another thing and I will write it in the future). I mean, if we can fix the little problems existing in front of us, then we can focus on something greater right???
Alright, hope you had fun reading the first part of this wonderful series!
